you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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