It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
