If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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