I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
