So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
