just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
