I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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