we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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