I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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