You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
