I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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