So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
