Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
two words: eviction party
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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