I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
