plz talk dirty to me
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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