that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize