Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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