omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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