So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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