currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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