You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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