Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
