I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
