i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
