2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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