thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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