You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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