Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
