Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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