between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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