I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
