Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
