I wish you could order shots online.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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