My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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