Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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