When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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