wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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