A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
