Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
