just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Someone signed my nipple.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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