***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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