Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
