i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
