Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
