Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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