I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
