Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
