A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
