I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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