dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
