If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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