I love black thongs
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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