Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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