I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
