Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
we're so committed to being not committed
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
