Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
