none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
