tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just pee around me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
