I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
