He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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