He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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