He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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