Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
