The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
