i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
