Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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